


flashes of history burn through my mind

by cjones7



Category: The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: (between loki and odin), (i don't know how to tag this so feel free to suggest things), Abusive Relationships, Arrest by secret police, Canon typical cosmic horror, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Horror, Mad Science, Manipulation, Memory Alteration, Mindwiping, Pre-Canon, Psychological Torture, cosmic horror, eldritch madness, fake execution by burning, ship just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 12:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22969915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjones7/pseuds/cjones7
Summary: Loki is spared because Odin could not afford to lose her knowledge of the track. She cannot afford to steal her mind all at once. Instead, Loki looses herself in little bitesized chunks.
Relationships: Loki/Sigyn (The Bifrost Incident)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	flashes of history burn through my mind

**Author's Note:**

> It never made sense to me that Loki would be so mindwiped when what Odin needed was her mind, and then this idea gripped on and wouldn't let go. I know there's a lot going on here so if I missed a tag please let me know.

I

When Loki comes to she is bound and gagged on a grand stage, Odin’s sharp voice muffled in her ears. She remembers: Asgardian secret police breaking into the resistance headquarters. She remembers: Fenrir running ahead, sword in hand, to fight. She remembers: Sigyn, a gun to her head. She remembers: making a trade; a life for a life. She remembers: Sigyn leaving, not looking back. And, she thinks, she has made her peace. And she thinks: she has done all she could to stop the coming end, end of the world, end of herself. And she thinks: if she dies, at least she dies well. And then she looks down, and sees the glyphs on her bindings. And then Odin stalks over to her. And then Odin leans down, and whispers in her ear:

“Do not worry little pet. I would not kill you. You are far too valuable to me. You will not die today. It will merely be very, very painful.” And Odin strikes the match, and Loki doesn’t think about anything besides the light, and the pain.

II

“Dr. Skadi. Dr. Skadi can you hear me?” a soft voice cuts through fuzz in the woman’s mind, and she opens her eyes, blinking in the harsh light. She is not sure who Dr. Skadi is. She certainly is not sure who this nervous dark eyed doctor is standing next to her. The woman in the corner, her, she thinks she knows, even if she cannot quite reach it. The doctor turns to the woman and says:

“Allmother, she is awake. Your plan worked. It was a success.”

“I never expected anything less Dr. Laufey.” The one-eyed woman (Allmother? The woman thinks, though something tells her that is not her proper name, exactly.) says, her voice needle sharp and familiar, though the woman on the bed still cannot place it. She cannot place herself. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Dr. Skadi. We were so very worried. You are much too valuable for us to lose, you know.” The Allmother(?) addresses to the woman on the bed.

“...Who the fuck is Dr. Skadi?” The woman says, too cloud-minded to attempt any semblance of politeness or polish.

“Why, you are, sweet pet. Do you not know yourself? Do you not know me?” The Allmother (and still, her stomach turns at that name) says, concern in her face but not in her voice.

“No. I do not. What happened? Why am I bound to the bed?” The woman (Dr. Skadi? That does not sound right, either.) asks, having just woken up enough to notice her bindings, the strange symbols lining them.

“My dear Dr. Skadi, I am Odin, do you not know the ruler of all you see? Do you not know your own dear friend?” Odin says, and Dr. Skadi hears something queasy in these words, but ignores it. Instead, she asks:

“What happened? Why am I bound?”

“Well, my dear doctor, there was an accident, with the Bifrost. With the wormholes you were testing. You weren’t meant to work in the lab alone but--I know you just can’t help yourself. Thank goodness Dr. Laufey found you. They saved your life. And as for your bindings--well we couldn’t know the effects the Bifrost would have, now could we? You do remember the Bifrost, now don’t you?” Odin explains.

“Yes.” And she does. She remembers every horrendous thing she knows about the Bifrost, but when she reaches for how she feels about the knowledge, those emotions fly away. And because she remembers the Bifrost, despite her misgivings, despite the shimmerings in Odin’s eyes, the nervous cadence to Laufey’s speech, she believes her. For a time.

III

Skadi is in her little room, working, a news broadcast playing on the little screen in the background, much needed background noise. And she lifts her head and:

There is her wife’s face staring back at her scowling and there is her wife screaming a manifesto about fighting for her memory and there is a bounty on her wife and there is her wife there is her wife there is her Sigyn and Skadi’s mind cracks open, and Loki floods back in.

Loki does not think, not this time, no careful planning now. She grabs a screwdriver from her desk, and marches into the lab Odin rarely leaves. She gets one blow in before the guards incapacitate her, and the last thing she hears before she goes under is Odin laughing, laughing, laughing.

IV

Before Laufey lets Skadi leave the infirmary after her latest accident, they show her a picture of a woman, battle scarred but beautiful, and ask about her. Skadi has no memory, and is allowed back to her room. The procedure a success.

V

That is not the only time Skadi sleeps, and Loki wakes. That is not the only time Loki tries to kill Odin, or even the only time Skadi tries to kill Odin, or some conglomeration of the two, neither wholly one or another. Every time, Odin laughs. Every time, she is put back to sleep, and wakes back up on a table, another chunk gone. The only thing constant is the knowledge of the train, the track, the gate, the key.

VI

They finish the track, and the train, and the altar room, and the glyphs. Skadi does not speak much, anymore. She does not always remember how. She knows how to work, she knows how to do her calculations and write her horrid arcane symbols. There is no room for memories that do not belong to the train. They finish the track and everyone but Odin, and for Skadi, expects it to be time to kill her; her knowledge no longer needed. But Odin is fond of her favorite test subject, and she has other ideas. Other experiments. She calls it testing safety protocols. No one dares argue.

VII  
  


In Laufey’s defense, they never imagined anyone could survive being pushed through the Bifrost unprotected, even a portal across the room with a three second time lapse. They assumed they were witnesses an ordered, if delayed execution. You get used to these things, working on the Bifrost project. People die, are disappeared, and replaced. It isn’t until Loki comes out the other side, shrieking and shivering and backlit all in rainbow even with the portals shut off that Laufey realizes this is something different, something they might even term as cruel. It is too late to challenge Odin now. They hear the order, and turn on the longer portal, watch Odin ready herself for the push, watch Loki still, even now, steel herself for the fall.

VIII

One of the times Loki floats freely inside the Bifrost-- one of, for there are many, one of the last times Loki floats freely inside the Bifrost, she meets a vast hulking thing. It stares at her, she stares back. Inside the Bifrost is the only place her entire mind comes together, now. Inside the Bifrost is the only place she is no longer afraid.

“AND WHAT DO YOU WANT MY CHILD?” The Thing screams voiceless, inside her mind.

“....To forget. When I return. All of it. The Bifrost, Odin, myself--even--even Sigyn. This is doing nothing to help her now. I am nothing but memories to her now.”

“IS THAT TRULY WHAT YOU WISH?” The Thing asks.

“Yes.” Loki says. Now she just wants a stop to the pain, no matter how it comes, no matter who makes the offer.

“VERY WELL, BUT BE WARNED. THE KNOWLEDGE WILL RETURN TO YOU, WHEN YOU NEED IT.” It says, and pushes a rainbow tendril against her forehead, and she awakes again on the cold lab floor, nothing in her mind but song and sunshine. She takes refuge in this false peace, for a while.

IX

It is launching day, and Odin just cannot leave Loki behind. She has to see, must see, what her final project does to her favorite guinea pig’s mind. There is still a shred of self in her eyes, and Odin almost hopes she comes flooding back to herself as Kvasir’s blood starts pumping through the train, that she tries to kill her again. But instead she crumples, implanted Skadi memories at war with memories from floating free in the Bifrost (and how Odin envies what she must have communed with in the void) at war with memories of her life as Loki, with her life as herself. Odin sighs, and returns to her observation deck, leaving Loki to sit in her suite and clutch her head, rock back and forth and back until Thor finds her, and the story as we know it begins.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this, you've stuck around around for the least fluffy thing I have ever written.


End file.
